30 June 2003

Making a Lord Stanley Run. Priceless.



Hockey fans...the free agency period is almost upon us. Though not a lot of action is suspected, perhaps your favorite team can pick up that missing piece to the puzzle.

The Good News...all the juicy deals will take place in the first few days, so it won't waste too much of my...er, your time.


PS to Wing fans: The next couple of days could prove to be veeeerrrrry interesting....

Stay Tuned.

29 June 2003

Blast from the Past


courtesy espn.com


The Stars blasted past the Monarchs today as Mr. Pujols continues to prove why he is arguably the best player in baseball.

Well, at least that's what I think. This guy begs to differ.

Regardless of opinion, Pujols' numbers alone (see below) speak for themselves.

As of today, he stands fourth in the All-Star Game Voting (which, as a point of information, will be played July 15 for home field advantage in the playoffs).

So you're a baseball fan and wish to not see this travesty continue, you can still vote for him (up to 25 times) here.

If, for no other reason, than to put him in the same outfield as the great Mr. Bonds.


Pujols Watch

.391 AVG | 23 HR | 72 RBI | SLG .719 | OPS 1.170

Web Note
The Mainframe wishes to announce the addition of the PUJOLS WATCH METER along the left-hand column of your screen to be updated on a [somewhat] daily basis.

Feel free to pillage the Mainframe should he slack from his duties at the comments links below.


27 June 2003

More Fun from The Fabulous World of Marketing

Courtesy of that ever popular (and extremely cheesy) Grahme Newell's Ideanet.


Lessons Hollywood has Taught Us

Submitted by Alan Batten

-------------------------------

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.


26 June 2003

A Step in the "Left" Direction

It has been brought to my attention tonight that I tend to leave the television on the Fox News Channel for longer than a minute at times.

Finding this hard to believe, I realized later that, for some inexplicable reason, this statement was true.
I cannot even begin to explain this outrageous behavior, except that I liken it to a car accident....you can't help but watch. *shiver*

Then, it hit me.

In a moment of inspiration, I announced that I would remove the channel from my VCR.

Why hadn't I thought of this before? I asked myself.

At any rate, it is done. They will be no more viewing (involuntary or not) of "Fair and Balanced News" in this household.

I suggest you all do the same.

25 June 2003

The Official Summer Album of The Mainframe

Every album has its season. For the summer of 2003, my album comes courtesy of those cheesy pop wizards from the Big Apple, fountains of wayne.

Thier latest, Welcome Interstate Managers, continues to spawn critical raves, which will ultimately lead to commercial failure (their single, Stacy's Mom, about a guy who obsesses over an ex-girlfriend's MILF, can be heard here.

Hey...at least I've enjoyed the ride.
Save NHL 2Night

I signed this petition. I encourage those fans of the second best hockey show in North America to do the same.

I got your back, Grapes, even if you are north of the border.

23 June 2003

Early Reviews

Per a previous post, I have received the CDs sent along by my friend Brock (See 6.17.03 post)

Some reviews:

Cursive | The Ugly Organ * * * *

Excellent. I love the how the cello really fills out the punk rock sound of this up and coming band. To be honest, I really dig the whole Saddle Creek Omaha scene right now, so it's hard for me not to like this band. If you like Desaperacidos and cellos, pick this album up.

Radiohead | Hail to the Thief * * * *

Amazing. After a difficult follow-up to Kid A with Amnesiac, The boys from Oxford dust off the guitars and get back to an OK Computer sound with this, their latest album. Not since Kid A have I enjoyed a Radiohead release immediately upon hearing it.

Neil Young | Silver & Gold * * * *

Great record, but I already knew that. Technically, this isn't a review, since I've heard the album several times. I love Neil's step back into the stripped down, acoustic of old, and this album is no different. One of my all-time favorite songs calls this vinyl home: Razor Love

Loose Fur | Loose Fur * * * *

Incredible. This side project involving the trio of Jeff Tweedy and Glenn Kotche of Wilco, plus Jim O'Rourke of Sonic Youth and mixer on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, debut with this self-titled gorgeous complement to the aforementioned masterpiece that is YHF.
While only 6 songs, the long tracks still clock in at 40 minutes, but are filled with beautiful, sweeping melodies and O'Rourke unmatched techno contribution add the sonic weight that made YHF my favorite album.

Perfect for the Wilco/YHF fan in your life.

Coming Soon....2 albums by Superchunk, The latest from Bright Eyes, Mark Eitzel, and American Music Club.

Stay Tuned...



Killing Productivity...one Volley at a Time.

OK, I've seriously have to stop playing this game. It completely sucks you in.

Don't believe me?

Think of it as 3-Dimensional Pong. I thought that would get you.

19 June 2003

A Great Day to be a Royals Fan


Yes...I'm aware the Royals got shelled for 23 hits and were blown out @ the K today.

But...

They took 3 of 4 from the division leading Twins, pulling back to within 2 games of the AL Central

And...

The worst pitcher in baseball history, Albie Lopez, was finally released.

Always look at the silver lining.
A CSU Cougar turns Cardinal


Fellow Redbird fans...There's a Cougar in the nest.

I know it's just the short season Single-A New Jersey Cardinals, but you never know.

Maybe someday, he be playing in STL, and I can say I knew him when.

17 June 2003

Turn on the (Ugly) Lights


If you have yet to do so check out Interpol.

Kinda like a darker version of the Strokes (though that's a weak comparision in terms of style). Their site has some MP3s and videos to peruse as well.

Their album, Turn on the Bright Lights, is in stores now. Read a review here...and here.
Music to My Ears


I'm quite excited. My friend Brock in Kirksville is sending the first 9 of approximately 46 CDs of some long, looooong overdue purchases. They are as follows:

American Music Club-Mercury

Mark Eitzel-West

Bright Eyes-Lifted...

Cursive-The Ugly Organ

Loose Fur-Loose Fur

Radiohead-Hail to the Thief

Superchunk-Indoor Living

Superchunk-Here's to Shutting Up

Neil Young-Silver & Gold

For the record, I'm new to the American Music Club scene, but upon hearing Eitzel and the bunch, I am confident that they will be accepted.

I'm extremely anxious to hear the new Radiohead and Loose Fur. I've been holding out on it, but could wait no longer.

Hopefully, after a careful listen, I'll be able to post a little review of them....if you're lucky.

What do you guys think of these albums? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

13 June 2003

Who are the Ad Wizards who came up with this one?


Disclaimer:

This is taken from a weekly email I received from Graeme Newell. It usually contains the latest television job postings, tips for better promo writing, and whatnot. This section that I always gravitate toward are the humorous anecdotes/submissions sent in by fellow readers.

The following is no exception.
-----------------------------------------------
Poorly Translated Slogans
From "American Demographics" magazine:

Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:

-When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."

-Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where is was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

-Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

-When Vicks first introduced its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is f - which in German is the guttural equivalent of "sexual penetration."

-Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren't too fond of the name either, as it's a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.

-The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish.

-When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally.

-The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back form the Grave."

-When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite the wax tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that mean "Happiness in the mouth."

-A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.

-When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the U.S.A. - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read.
St. Anger Management


Now that I've had a full week (and a number of listens) for the new Metallica album St. Anger to sink into my system, I can now say that this album is great!

Its dirty, raw energy harkens back to the Metallica of old, and I love the tribal percussion infecting every track.

It's a bit of a tough listen at first, but if you stick with it, you'll be duly rewarded.

11 June 2003

Back from MO


Good to be back, kids! 'Twas a great weekend overall, but I'm glad to be back in Georgia. All in all, it was a very nice ceremony, and it was great to see everyone again.

Other notes of interest:

Returning to MO has its advantages. It afforded me the oppurtunity to stock up on some choice items of my favorite team apparel.

Case in point:

-2 new polos (Chiefs & Mizzou)

-A sweet Chiefs fleece that my dad forgot to give me @ Christmas.

-A Royals BP lid

-Plus, my personal favorite: A STL Cards # 5 Albert Pujols jersey

-and, I got to wear a tux.

All in all, not a bad week.

05 June 2003

We'll be back....I promise


Well, kids...no blogging for a couple of days. KO and I are off to Missouri for my cousin's wedding.

Don't fret..we will return!

Vaya con Dios!!

04 June 2003

I've got a fever, and the only prescription....is MORE COWBELL!


Dave Barry never disappoints with his website referrals, but this one takes the taco.

Walken fans...take heed.

Hilarity may ensue.
Got a little Lucky...


KO and I finally got caught up via that archaic format of recording, videotape, with the series, Lucky. If you haven't checked it out, do so. John Corbett is great...and as we all know, KO loves Vegas.

Can you truly blame her?

03 June 2003

A wonderful surprise


Not much blogging tonight. Comedy Central is running a marathon of that holiest of (finger)hole-y shows....

Let's Bowl.

Ah...sweet bliss.

02 June 2003

Reloaded rant


I'm sick of hearing everyone say The Matrix: Reloaded sucks. It's setting up Revolutions...figure it out!

Heaven forbid that a movie have "dialogue" that progresses the story? Gasp Perish the thought!

Apparently, if it doesn't have all the cool explosions and SFX, it's not worthy. Uh..I think Triple X is showing in an adjacent theater...Give me a break!

Wow...I just channeled John Stossel!
I come from the land Down Under...


Picked up the new album for D4 entitled 6Twenty.

Not bad. Very pop punk, which I expected from these Australian lads. Hey, it was only 6 bucks!
An odd sighting


While driving around north Columbus on Saturday, I saw a sign that read:

"Fully equipped Restaurant for sale"

Big deal, right? Not really, except that It was written on a flyer and posted in the ground, not unlike your typical garage sale arrow or lost dog reward sign.

Who do they expect to answer this crude ad?

Another example of not knowing your customer.
...Not if you were the last (Library) Junkie on Earth


I love the library.

There...I said it. For quite some time, I had forgotten how much I love it. But, KO's audio book fix has led me back. Unfortunately, because of her extremely busy schedule and infrequency of visits there, it wasn't long after I arrived in Columbus that she had fallen out of favor with our bookish friends.

So now, I have been relegated to contributing to her habit by checking out audio books for her under my name. Sorry, but the dirty secret is out.

Fortunately for her, I've renewed my fondness for the library and their collection of CDs and DVDs. While the DVD collection leaves something to be desired, at least the movies they do carry are good choices, though not completely devoid of such classics like Speed 2.

Anyway, I'm beginning to think that the gentleman whose always checking me out (my books, that is....get ye minds out of the gutter!) thinks I'm illiterate. All I ever check out are audio books, CDs, and DVDs.

KO says I'm crazy for thinking that, and that an illiterate person wouldn't even have a library card.

I hope she's right.