02 December 2005

The 10 Commandments of the D

As a service to the lot of you that I'll be abandoning in the next few weeks, I know you're gonna be in some deep shit.

You'll be saying to yourself:
"What am I gonna do now that Core's gone?"
"Who's gonna handle the reins of fun and guide us to the land of hilarity?"
"Who's gonna fix my grilled cheese sandwiches now?"

Guess what? It's time. Time for you to take ownership of your life. I can't continue the burden of carrying your ass any longer and nurse you through the scary times. These shoulders are broad, but Atlas I am not.
Wake up....take the binky out of your mouth...and live.

Listen to my boy, Jack....and heed this great advice:

"Quit your day job. I know that scares a lot of you. Focus on your craft...one time...before it's over...and you've squandered it, cause you're a f!^$#en robot."
-Jack Black

Until then, I'll leave you with these scribes to live by....these nuggets of life-giving nectar that will allow you to sludge through your sorry lives...searching for those small moments that keep all of us going.

10 Commandments of the D
1. Never stop Rocking.
2. Legalize all drugs.
3. Quit your day job.
4. All Religion should be taxed.
5. Cut down on carbohydrates.
6. F#ck her gently.
7. Never believe what people tell you after a show.
8. Always take a spoon full of Metamucil after a heavy day of eating.
9. Get at least 9 hours of sleep a day.
10. Eatin' ain't cheatin'.

Feel better? Kick Ass.
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