20 August 2004

You Can Make A Difference, eh?

Today I received an email that quite literally broke my heart. While the following passage may be difficult to read, take comfort in knowing that your involvement could be just the thing these unfortunate souls need to help buoy their spirits and make it through a difficult period.

Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together
as never before in our generation. We have banded together to
overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on
our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs,
unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS,
high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical
disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once
again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are
going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary
level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of
their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a
result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the
cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player
remain economically viable during his time of need. This
contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the
annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will
help! Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a
hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the
lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you,
seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a
mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey
player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary. Your
commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new
Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

How will I know that I'm Helping?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the
player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds,
401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to
your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive
an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a
beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include
an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind
you of other peoples' suffering.


Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just
wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your
name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a
special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen


I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is
(check below):

[ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team

(Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per

[ ]Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the
duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I
have sponsored, along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and
my very own Bob Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's
Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Act now. You'll be glad you did, eh?

Thanks to Nicole for the email
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